i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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