His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
