Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
