Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
