every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
