am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
