Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
