How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wish my penis had a tongue
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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