Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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