so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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