don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
