I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
