i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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