Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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