I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
