remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
