this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
