$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
