Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
