She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
