Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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