I smell stomach acid.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
