Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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