So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
