im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
