I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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