I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
