Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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