i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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