UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
In America we eat man semen.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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