My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize