from now on my penis is your penis
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
