Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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