thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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