im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
im on a boat
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