I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
