I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
