I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
