The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I should be sponsored by Trojan
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
