Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
