and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
