So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
