Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
