Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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