So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
