Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
