After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
