dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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