Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
