Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
